


Lost in Loneliness

by lionessvalenti



Category: White Collar
Genre: Angst, F/M, Merry Month of Masturbation Challenge
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-05-03
Updated: 2010-05-03
Packaged: 2017-10-09 06:59:30
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,433
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/84294
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lionessvalenti/pseuds/lionessvalenti
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Men have done many stupid things in the name of getting off, but Neal had never been one of them.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Lost in Loneliness

**Author's Note:**

> Fic was spawned from a prompt on collarkink. Thanks to lefaym for the beta-read.

It wasn't difficult for Neal to see that Peter and Elizabeth had recently been together. It might not have been obvious to the casual observer, but Neal was not the casual observer. He was used to watching every little movement from the people around him, sizing them up like they were his mark (they weren't, and it was very nice of them, or more specifically, Elizabeth, to invite him to dinner). However, they might as well have been wearing light up signs that flashed _Just Got Laid!_.

The sad part was that they probably thought they were being clever.

They kept looking at each other, sharing secret smiles, and Peter couldn't seem to keep his hands off Elizabeth. He was subtle, sure, brushing her hand with his as he took a stack of plates from her, but he was deliberate. She winked at him, and turned back to the kitchen.

Neal wondered if they regretted inviting him over now. Of course, the idea had been that he and Peter would be working on their current case. The dinner was just a bonus, but if he hadn't been sitting in their living room, Peter would probably have Elizabeth over the dining room table about now.

Peter walked behind Elizabeth and set his hand on her shoulder, his index finger stroking her neck. Her breath hitched, and her eyes closed for just a moment. She turned around halfway and kissed him.

Fuck me, Neal thought. This wasn't just a good day after some great sex that morning or the night before. It was more recent than that. They must have been getting dressed when he was knocking at the door. The sheets were probably still warm. Neal's cock twitched at the thought.

"Neal?" Elizabeth asked. "You okay?"

He looked up, and flashed her his most dazzling smile. "I'm fine. I'm just going to use the bathroom before we eat."

She smiled. "You know where it is."

Neal stood and walked upstairs, but he bypassed the first door on the left and went for the half-closed door further down the hall. Their bedroom was simple, but classy. Queen sized bed with grey sheets, an antique armoire in the corner, and a dresser with an open silvery jewelry box on top. A few items, a necklace and a couple of bracelets, sat next to the box. Nice things, too. The sort of jewelry Neal would have taken from anyone else who left them out in the open like that, but these were Elizabeth's things. He couldn't steal from her; he didn't even want to.

He sat down on the bed and ran his hand over the pillow. It was Peter's side; his badge and cell phone next to the alarm clock. Neal brought his hand to his face, inhaling the scent it picked up off the pillowcase. The smell was all Peter, his light aftershave and sweat.

Slowly, Neal leaned down and pressed his face to the sheets, just below the pillows, and breathed deep. It was _them_ and sex, and Neal moaned into the mattress.

It was jealousy. Neal hadn't had sex since before he went into prison, before his trial. And here Elizabeth and Peter were, practically throwing it in his face. He knew, intellectually, they weren't, and they probably didn't even realize that he knew, but he missed this. He knew he could easily find someone to be with, but it wasn't just about the sex. It was the intimacy and the comfort; the feeling of waking up in the morning with someone beside you. A stranger wasn't going to give him that. He wanted familiarity and someone he loved; he wanted someone who loved him.

Neal slid his hand between his legs, palming the bulge in his trousers. He thought how he should go back downstairs; one of them would be looking for him soon enough. But the bed smelled so good, and the thought of Peter and Elizabeth together, right here, not fifteen minutes before was almost too much. He was so hard, jealous, and, fuck it, he was lonely. It was easy to mask most of the time, keeping his mind on intellectual pursuits; his work with Peter, trying to find Kate (_god_, he missed Kate), but seeing Elizabeth and Peter touching each other, lost in their own intimacy; thinking about them like this, his loneliness choked up on him.

He looked up at Elizabeth's night stand, and saw a box of tissues. He reached up and grabbed a few, then rolled onto his back. He unzipped his trousers and reached into his briefs. He held his hand there for a moment, feeling his swollen cock in his own grasp, rubbing his thumb gently across the head before pulling it out.

This wasn't just reckless, it was stupid. Neal knew that, but men had done much stupider things in the name of getting off; he had just never been one of them. The least he could have done, he supposed, was close the door.

Neal imagined, as he began stroking himself, what had happened here earlier. It had to have been spur of the moment, since they knew he was coming over. There probably hadn't been much foreplay, maybe Elizabeth reaching into Peter's pants, while he kissed her neck, before they fell into bed together.

He imagined Peter on top of her, his hands on Elizabeth's sides, pushing her shirt up over her stomach. She would have moaned as she looked down at him with dark eyes, rucking her skirt up around her thighs and spreading her legs. Peter wouldn't have bothered taking off her underwear, he'd just push it aside to finger her. His fingers must have worked on auto-pilot, knowing exactly how to tease her clit and when to slide inside of her at just the right moment.

Neal closed his eyes, leaning his head to one side, breathing in that wonderful smell off the pillows again. He pulled on his cock and reached down with his other hand, packed with tissues, and cupped his balls through his clothes. He writhed on the bed, jerking into his own touch.

Elizabeth had probably grabbed Peter around the ass, telling him to fuck her already, begging him. When he had pushed into her, they'd have rolled over together, Elizabeth riding him, still dressed, her shirt up over her breasts, and her hand down her panties, touching herself. Peter would have been ruffled, his shirt half unbuttoned, lost in lust, looking like he wanted to kiss every part of her.

Neal swallowed, feeling something strange -- was this what guilt felt like? Maybe. He shouldn't be thinking about this, not Peter, not Elizabeth, but it wasn't worth stopping. He was so close, his mind flashing to thoughts of Peter with his head buried between Elizabeth's legs, licking her clit while she shoved her hands through his hair. She was probably a screamer, loud as Peter fucked her from behind, his fingers digging into her hips.

Neal bit down on his lip to keep from crying out as he came into the wad of tissues. "Oh, shit," he mumbled, pulling on his dick, working out all the come. He wiped himself off, and tucked himself back into his briefs. He sat up, and that's when he saw Elizabeth standing in the doorway. She didn't look upset, but eerily neutral. He wondered how much she had seen.

"Elizabeth, I can--"

She held up a hand, and he stopped speaking. "Don't. We're ready to eat. Wash your hands."

He stood and walked across the room to her. He paused. "I'm sorry."

Elizabeth touched his cheek. "No, you're not."

"No," Neal agreed with a smile. He chuckled nervously. "Are you going to tell Peter?"

"Don't worry about it," she said, and Neal didn't miss the non-definitive answer. "Don't forget your fly."

"Oh." Neal reached down and zipped up. "I didn't mean to... seeing the two of you, it -- it reminded me that it's been a while. Longer than a while. And there isn't anyone I'd..." He trailed off, more embarrassed by his honesty than being caught with his pants down.

Elizabeth smiled, and he could see her sadness for him. "You don't need to explain anything. Just... not in the house, okay? Now, wash your hands." She turned and went downstairs.

He stood there for a moment, considering his options, but right now he didn't have any. All he could do now was what she told him to. He took a deep breath and went into the bathroom. He flushed away the tissues, then washed his hands.


End file.
